How do I squeeze a life into one post?

I have spent the past month obsessively reading other people's blogs.  A few weeks ago after a very difficult day with my 9 year old son, James, I googled "children with mood disorders" and found some very uplifting blogs. 

I am calling my blog, How did I get to be a grownup?  because that is very much how I feel.  I have two boys with special needs:  one who is legally blind, and the other who has a severe mood disorder and I feel inadequate to take care of them as half the time I feel as if I can't take care of myself. 

But...I technically have no choice.  I know that sounds awful.  On a better day I might say that I am blessed to have these challenges and these children.  Today though, and many other days like today, I am sad that my sons have to go through their lives with handicaps.  My older son, Kevin, will probably never be able to drive.  He cannot recognize me from across the room.  He struggles to read regular-sized print.  My younger son, James, has been saying that he hopes he dies since he was 6 years old.  He asks me why god made him this way (with anger issues).  Two weeks ago he attacked me with a plank of wood and had to be carried into an ambulance by cops. 

My husband, Wayne and I got married when we were 20 and 21 respectively.  We were both immature and not great at being a partner.  We have almost gotten divorced twice, but somehow we are still together, still love (and at times despise) each other.  We still make each other laugh and scream and cry.

I come from a very large strictly religious family.  I have kept some of my upbringing but I have a very hard time being told what to do.  My sisters and brothers and my close friends are my saviors and my heroes.  They keep coming back to support me even when I repeatedly ignore their texts and messages. 

I love to laugh.  I love to make people laugh.  I try to find humor in all things, sometimes when humor is completely inappropriate.

In my blog I will try to lay it all out there.  I have changed the names of my family members to protect their privacy, but if it was only me, I would share who I am and how I got here.  I don't believe in secrets unless they are secrets that can hurt other people.